Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
