wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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