"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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