you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
