You're completely useless in the revolution.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
