This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize