Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
