Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
