I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
