ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
