Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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