we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
