Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
