She is in my trunk
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
