my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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