I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
well you can't waste a boner
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
