She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
