I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
