O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
