Can i not drive my cunt home
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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