Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
