omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
