I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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