I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
