Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
