Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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