Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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