At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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