Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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