I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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