I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
