I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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