I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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