Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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