Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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