Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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