I am puke
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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