I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
3pm strippers are depressing
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
