i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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