You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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