I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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