My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
