There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
