A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If that was your dad, he is hot
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
