the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize