it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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