this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
