I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
