Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize