I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
