guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
