They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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