I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize