how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
