where does the pee come out of this thing
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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