i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The struggles of a small town man whore
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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