I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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