Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
