I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
