i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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